Texas Flood
I was watching CNN yesterday and they did a piece on some ex-Marine in Texas who lives in a very rural area where he and his neighbors have been without electricity, fuel, or means of communication since hurricane Rita. They are also running low on food and are basically in desperate need of everything. He got so disgusted with the lack of assistance he wrote a text message on his cell phone and climbed a tree so he could get enough reception to send it. CNN got ahold of the message and drove out there to speak with him. When the reporters arrived he said he was "pissed as hell" and when asked what he would do if President Bush was here he said "I'd take him and show him everything around here then I’d kick him square in the butt and we’d sit down and drink a beer.”

You Suckas Got Served!
Teen 'dance-off' ends in bloody melee
This news article is just flat out hilariously mind blowing! I think these kids need to go to their homes and play a family friendly game of "You Got Drunk" instead.

Storms of Life
Bernard Allison successfully rocked my face off last night! This guy kicks some serious ass, and his band is pretty damn good too. He played some real good stuff and his bass guitarist played one of the best bass solos I have ever seen. The drum solo was pretty damn good too. In case youre wondering those are two rattlesnake heads on the top of his hat. Yeah, I don't know either, but its cool.

There was some oldish lady there who looked like she could be a soccer mom, but she was acting weird as hell and was no doubt on some kind of narcotic.

The last song he played was a tribute to his father, the late Luther Allison. His mother was in the crowd that night and she cried a little during the song. Definitely the most heart fealt scene I've seen at a blues show.

I Got My Fajita Pita
Here are a couple things that make me laugh.

1. Listening to my iPod on shuffle when the intro to the album Crunk Juice abruptly ends and is immediately followed by Sweet Baby James by James Taylor.
2. Getting my hair cut by a guy with many arm tattoos, a mullet, and a nose ring.

On another note, this town is just a handful of select people shy of my own personal paradise.

Snake Bit Again
Tonight I get to experience one of the reasons why I moved to this town. I'm heading down to Buddy Guy's Legends blues bar to see one bitchin' blues man by the name of Bernard Allison. I have a couple of this guy's albums and they are quite good. In honor of tonight I'm going to put up one of his songs as the Featured Flava. Its called, Baby Chile. Check it out!

Leonardo da Twinkie
This little website kept me entertained for what was probably too long for my own good yesterday. Some of you got some art emailed to you yesterday so I hope you all enjoyed it. Play around with it and use your imagination.

The twinkie tool provides for an excellent phallic object.

Where They Gone, Where They Been
I have this thing set up on my blog where it keeps all sorts of crazy statistics for my site. For example, it tracks number of hits each day, who visits, how they get here (many from Charlie's blog), where they're coming from (lots of Aussies), and even how long they're on this site. I always get a kick out of the things people query for on search engines and accidently find their way to my blog. Apparently, this blog is the #1 search result on MSN Search for HELL NAW NIGGA. Someone else found this blog recently by searching on AltaVista for "old gay men." Go figure.

Can anyone name the movie the title for this post came from?

Pizza Pi
You know how people always complain they'll never use the shit they learn in math class? Well, I was definitely one of them. I hated math with a passion. All the stuff I learned in my Stats class I definitely will never use. Mostly because I can't even tell you what we learned, let alone remember how to do it. Some of the more basic stuff in math though I've found myself using. For example, at work we use 9oz of dough to make a pizza that comes out to 10in in diameter. I needed to figure out how much dough was needed to make a pizza with the same thickness of dough, but on a 16x9 pan. So first I figured out the area of the 10in pizza and divided that by the number of ounces used to determine that we use .115oz of dough per square inch of pizza. Then I figured out the area of the pan and mutlipied it by .115 to find out we need 16.56 oz of dough to cover the pan.

I feel like such a fucking dork.

God Is A Golden Retriever
(check out the bumper sticker)















Thanks to Meg for the picture

1000 Words
Check out this blog New York Hack: Pictures from a New York City cab driver. Its pretty neat. It also reminds me how I really want to try and start incorporating more pictures in my blog posts.

5 Questions
There apparently is a thing going on now around the blog community where someone asks someone else five questions, they answer the questions on their blog, and then they ask someone else five different questions. I was asked these questions by Shannon who got hers from Charlie who got his from Swiss Toni, who got his from someone else, yada yada yada.. Let me know if you want to continue this chain by answering five of mine. A warning though, reading these will start you down a long dark path into my mind. Once entered if one chooses to venture further they may get lost and not like what they see.

1. Do you have an odd irrational fear or something so strange that you are OC about?
Are you ready for a lame answer? No, I don’t think I have anything like that. I am a very logical/systematic person so any of kind of behavior that would seem illogical (i.e. having a thing about walking on the left side of people) I tend to reject. When I find quirks like that in other people it blows my mind because of its lack of logic. Actually, maybe that is something I’m OC about. I dunno, you be the judge.

2. Who is your favorite TV character (on a show now, or one from the past) if you could only pick one? Why?
Those that know me well know that my absolute favorite show is Family Guy. I’ve been an avid fan since well before it got on Adult Swim and become popular. I had every single episode on my computer back in the spring of 2002. I was pretty quick to conclude that my favorite character is from that show, but not so quick to decide which one. My two choices were either Stewie or Peter, and I went back and forth between the two. For the sake of being decisive, I’m gonna have to go with Stewie. My reason is because this character is completely original and his personality is very well established. How many talking babies do you know bent on world domination and matricide? Here is some evidence of Stewie’s comedic genius:

• Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
• Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! Big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
• Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of? Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
• There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?'
• Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am? Stewie: Hmm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
• Fie on the toilet! It’s made slaves of you all! I’ve seen it sitting in there, lazy slothful porcelain lay-about, feeding on other people’s doo-doos while contributing nothing of it’s own to society. YOU GET A JOB!

3. If you had some control over it, how would you want to die?
First of all, I’d want it to be after I live a full and productive life. I also want to be ready for it. By that I mean I want my family to be taken care of, and I wouldn’t want to have any unsettled grievances. As to how I actually die, I guess I’d want it to be peaceful, painless, and accepting. That’s kinda boring though. So, for the sake of being interesting here is a better answer. I want to die coked out with a machine gun under my arm hosing down gangsters of a competing drug cartel who are raiding my mansion while my pet tiger sits out front. Here is a visual.

4. Who is the absolute worst popular musician ever, and how did they get famous anyway!?!?
One person stands out above all the rest. That would have to be Meg White from the White Stripes. She has no talent as a drummer whatsoever. All she does is keep a beat, and that’s it. She’s in the business only because she has a talented brother who is nice enough to let her ride on his coattails. She pisses me off in fact. Kinda like how Michael McDonald pisses me off, but at least he has musical talent. His problem is that he’s an old white dude that sings Motown covers. That and he eats babies no doubt.

5. Do aliens exist or is it just some Midwesterner's crackpot UFO sighting again?
I haven’t had any personal experiences that would make me believe they exist. However, there are just so very many recurring consistent reports of UFOs and the like, and it would only be close-minded to completely ignore it. There is a whole lot of space outside of our planet and there’s a possibility life does exist elsewhere. If life can happen here, it can happen elsewhere. I do think a lot of the “close encounters” are false though in that they were fabricated by pranksters, crazy people, and drunk rednecks. If they do exist, and they decide to make themselves known, I just hope their gentiles allow me to have sex with them.

The Time Has Come
I'm going to have to finally give in and do something rash. I'm going to sell my car. I never ever drive it since I moved to the city. Its too much of a pain in the ass to find parking spaces and I have better things I can spend $56 a month than on insurance. The sad thing is that this is the only car I've ever had. We bought it on my 16th birthday 6 and a half years ago. That car and I have been through a lot. When I sell it I think I'm going to have about a thousand memories flash before my eyes as I hand over the keys. Oh well though, its time to move on.

I put it on craig's list last night and by the time I got back from work today I already had 4 emails.

stillrockingout: niggaz in the streets say money yo you made it
WaxhawRenegade: but you know the hoods been good to me, ever since I was a lower case G, but now Im a big G, i got the money, dollar dollar bills ya'll!
stillrockingout: YES!

Artist of the Summer
I just now created the award of "Artist of the Summer" just because I wanted to award a particular man of genius for his great work. My choice for Artist of the Summer goes to none other than Lil' Jon. Listening to his "Crunk Juice" album never ceases to put a smile on my face. Its all about the lyrics really. This man is an urban poet genius. Here are some of my favorite Crunk Juice lyrics.
__________________________________
Let my nuts go - bitch
Let my nuts go
Let my nuts go - bitch
Do you like the way they swang

Girl: Wont you buy me a drink
Guy: Bitch hell naw!
Girl: Let me hit yo thang?
Guy: Bitch hell naw!
Girl: Wont you take me to yo crib
Guy: Bitch hell naw!
Girl: Lets go to the mall
Guy: Bitch hell naw!

I'll fuckin' nuke a nigga
Cuz youse a happy nigga
And ima nappy nigga
Fuckin' scrappy nigga
Meet ya pappy nigga
Its Ice Cube nigga
And Little Jon nigga

Bitch I'm tryin to get a job, but it just don't work
Soon as I walk through the door, on they face is a smirk
Can't hire no nigga like me in that bitch
Tattoos, gold teeth, nigga dreads and shit
Man, fuck these niggaz, I'll go back to sellin' dope
Now my baby mama callin bout that child support
Bitch back the fuck up, and let me smoke my weed
Motherfuck you bitch, stop screamin at me
____________________________________________
And now its time to introduce the latest Featured Flava. This track, from said album, is entitled Stick Dat Thang Out (Skeezer)

Bass Face
Last Saturday night I went to see one of the many musical acts on my list in the next few weeks. On stage was Tommy Castro and his band. Their song Lucky In Love is a past Featured Flava on this site. It was a good show. The bassists for the opening band was especially entertaining. Picture this. He stood on the ball of his feet, knees slightly bent, held his bass like a rifle at pec height, held a toothpick in his mouth, and had this crazy look on his face as if he was saying, "Damn, that thing is nasty as hell, but it turns me on."

When I went to Kingston Mines a while ago there was an interesting blues bassist there too. This guy was puffing really fast and really hard on his cigarette while he played and his eyes were wide open the whole time while he looked around. He seriously looked like he hopped up on crack rock.

A Returning Blubber?
I went to PetSmart today to look into getting myself another fish tank. I just walked around and looked at stuff I liked and wrote down prices so I can get an idea how much it would set me back. As of now I'm thinking about getting a 20 gallon tank (twice the size of my old one). I should be able to fit a few full grown Orandas in that. That and a black moor.

In case anyone was wondering, PetSmart does not have an Oranda calendar.